Introduction of my essay

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Introduction of my essay

Post  neda on Sun Nov 21, 2010 4:38 pm

Hi guys,

My essay is about marijuana. I finished my introduction (my first draft) and I like to know your opinion. Please disregard my mechanical errors Very Happy

Hope you enjoy my intro...it is very intersting topic...


Marijuana (cannabis sativa) has been used by human for centuries, mostly for its psychological effects. Now, marijuana widely used illegally in most of the countries in the world but there is heated debate in public about whether it should be legalized. Also, public is more concern about medicinal properties of marijuana as an environmentally friendly plant with various potential uses (Castle, & Murray, pg xv, 2004). In many countries, usage of marijuana as a medicine will gain official approval soon such as Canada that has already happened. It is as a result of great new evidence for medical benefits of cannabis that has been achieved recently from carefully clinical experiences. Voters in 12 states of United State since 1996 have approved the use of marijuana as a medicine with a doctor’s recommendation. But, the US federal government has tried to close marijuana clubs and punish both doctors and their patients for using cannabis as a drug especially in California and it makes very complicated situation for people who have officially licence for using marijuana from state government (Iversen, p4-5, 2008).
“Controversy regarding marijuana is not limited to the United States. Australia has decriminalized the use of marijuana in some territories, and Canada as well as Switzerland and other European countries are reconsidering their approach to marijuana. However, the most widely publicized approach to regulation of marijuana is that of The Netherlands. Under a complex system of "law-on-the-books" and "law-in-action," Dutch law permits personal use of marijuana but outlaws possession ("Legalization of marijuana," 2004).”

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Re: Introduction of my essay

Post  trellou on Sun Nov 21, 2010 5:29 pm


Marijuana (cannabis sativa) has been used by human for centuries, mostly for its psychological effects. Now, marijuana widely used illegally in most of the countries in the world but there is heated debate in public about whether it should be legalized. Also, public is more concern about medicinal properties of marijuana as an environmentally friendly plant with various potential uses (Castle, & Murray, pg xv, 2004). In many countries, usage of marijuana as a medicine will gain official approval soon such as Canada that has already happened. It is as a result of great new evidence for medical benefits of cannabis that has been achieved recently from carefully clinical experiences. Voters in 12 states of United State since 1996 have approved the use of marijuana as a medicine with a doctor’s recommendation. But, the US federal government has tried to close marijuana clubs and punish both doctors and their patients for using cannabis as a drug especially in California and it makes very complicated situation for people who have officially licence for using marijuana from state government (Iversen, p4-5, 2008).
“Controversy regarding marijuana is not limited to the United States. Australia has decriminalized the use of marijuana in some territories, and Canada as well as Switzerland and other European countries are reconsidering their approach to marijuana. However, the most widely publicized approach to regulation of marijuana is that of The Netherlands. Under a complex system of "law-on-the-books" and "law-in-action," Dutch law permits personal use of marijuana but outlaws possession ("Legalization of marijuana," 2004).”


Hi Neda,

Thanks for posting your draft I love you . I think sentence #2 needs a little bit of revision.

You have a very interesting thesis statement!

Just a friendly reminder:

The introduction to an essay is like a first impression--you only get one chance to draw the reader in. You should take special care to create the best first impression that you can by writing an effective introduction. The introduction draws the reader in, presents the topic of your essay, provides the reader with adequate background, and tells the reader what your specific impression of the topic will be.



http://www.ehow.com/how_4703210_write-effective-introduction-essay.html

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SUGGESTION

Post  Jin8674 on Tue Nov 23, 2010 3:34 pm

hi, your introduction is good. A few commas needs to be arranged. You might want to focus on a certain place instead of all the different countries. (just a suggestion)

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Re: Introduction of my essay

Post  NikaT on Tue Nov 23, 2010 6:26 pm

Neda, this piece is really informative! Smile I would even say too much information! In introduction usually writer just want to to grab an attention of reader and explain what is he/she going to tell in the essay. But after I read this piece , I feel like I learned everything already just from your introduction study

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Re: Introduction of my essay

Post  Derek on Wed Nov 24, 2010 9:33 am

A few commas needs to be arranged.

Any commas in particular? Did you have an arrangement in mind?

Quote a portion and correct it.

What a Face

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Re: Introduction of my essay

Post  kimberleyaubrey on Thu Nov 25, 2010 3:46 am

Marijuana (cannabis sativa)
I think this is suppose to be written like this "Cannabis sativa (marijuana)" because then it lets the reader know from then on in your essay you will be referring to cannabis sativa as marijuana instead of the other way around.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong? thats just what I remember from class and what I've been doing in my essay.

Question

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Re: Introduction of my essay

Post  trellou on Thu Nov 25, 2010 6:44 pm

The first sentence could also be rewritten in this way, "Cannabis sativa, known as marijuana, ... ".

This is just my suggestion.

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